Click. The door is wide open.
There’s light streaming in and it’s blinding me. She’s there. Infront of me, talking to me, the way she does. It’s the kind voice today. I like that voice. She’s nice. She cares about me. She asks me about my weekend but I really don’t want to talk about it. Why would I want to talk about it? It’s dull. Same old stuff.
I can hear her talking but something far more interesting has caught my eye. It’s there on the window in front of me. Just hanging from the corner of the frame; torturing me. A long hair. Just stuck there like some forgotten object. Who did you belong to I think to myself. Someone must be missing you. “How long have you been there?” I ask the hair. But the hair doesn’t answer. Maybe it can’t hear me above the sound of her talking. She’s still talking, but I don’t know what she’s saying now. Her voice is muffled, like she’s talking to me through a pillow or something. The light fades, just a bit. I’m still looking at the hair waiting for it to tell me how it got there. It’s bothering me that no one cares enough about it to free it. I think maybe I should free it. I can reach it I think-if I stretch. She’s still talking to me, with words I can’t decipher. She pulls my face to look at hers. But my eyes remain looking at the hair. I can’t look away or it will think I’m like everyone else; that I don’t care about it. She’s trying to make me look at her but I’m not falling for that. She can try as much as she likes but I need to get the hair. I’m gonna go for it, I decide. She won’t like it but I have to. I reach forward and I have to come right out of my chair to get it. “I’ve got you!” I pull the hair and release it from its trap. I feel instantly better. Now I’ve rescued it. I hold it between my fingers and wrap it around, just to be sure that it’s safe. It needs to know it’s in safe hands. I can still just about make out her voice but suddenly the door clicks shut. The light goes out.
There’s no one here now.
No one but me and the hair. It’s so quiet in here now. So quiet. At last I can think straight. The voice was distracting me. Finally I can enjoy the silence. But just as I start to relax its then that the door is prised open and the light floods my eyes once more. It’s so bright. It hurts to stare at it but as much as I’m trying not to look directly at it, I’m being pulled towards it by the voice. She’s saying my name. She’s getting closer. And louder. It’s
so loud, my head is hurting. The voice keeps on talking and slowly I can make out a few words. “Look at the book please”, she says. “Focus!” The voice has changed now. It’s not as kind as before. It’s angry. It’s sharp and shouty. “Look here!” There’s her fingers again, pointing at the book. Am I supposed to be doing something? I hear her say “what do you think?” I repeat her words, “what do I think?” “Yes”, she says. “What do you think about the story?” “Story?” I ask. Am I meant to know what she’s talking about? Has she read me a story? I’m almost back but before I can understand, there’s a loud clanking noise. There it is again. And again. I realise it’s the photocopier beside me. It’s so loud it’s hurting my head. She’s still talking to me but I really can’t hear a word over that thing. It’s printing copy after copy of a test by the look of it. A test that I won’t be able to do. I’m sure of it. I’ll try it of course like always. But halfway through she’ll give up. Probably make me go for a walk to stretch my legs. Does she think that will help? Maybe she thinks the exercise will pump more blood to my brain and make me smart. I wish that was the case. Oh how I wish. I like her. I really do. But she hasn’t realised it yet and I don’t want to be the one to tell her that it’s not working. All this stuff she gets me to do. All the time she’s spending with me is really a waste of her time. I’m different you see. I’m not like the others. I’ve known it for ages. But I don’t think she knows it. And I can’t be the one to tell her. It’ll crush her.
I hear the click and it goes dark again. Thank goodness. Peace and quiet. I can think straight. But I better do it fast, I don’t know how long I’ve got this time. I’m thinking about the game I was playing on the iPad this morning. I was on level 19. Damn you level 19. You kept tripping me up. I’m walking through the labyrinth trying to sneak past the monster. If I can just get to the other side and past the gate keeper, I’ll be free. Level 20 here I come. Just as I’m reaching for the gate the light flicks on again. That blinding light. This time I see her face. She’s looking into my eyes and I see her lips moving but I can’t hear a word. She’s smiling now. She seems calmer. She’s taking me by the arm and we’re walking. Walking around, her at my side. I think this is the part where she gives up trying. We always get to this part eventually. I see others around me, with their noses in books, writing on paper. But we’re just walking around now. We go somewhere quiet. The door is now wide open and I hear her clearly. She’s talking in the sweet voice. She’s asking me where I’ve been. “Nowhere,” I answer. “I’ve been right here all the time.” And just as quickly as it opened, the door closes again.
Click. And everything goes quiet.